Causes of my anxiety- 9th August
Although it is hard to pin point a beginning of your anxiety, I believe certain experiences have made me more anxious.
To start of with I would like to say I think my parents both have anxiety in some form, I think in my case it was passed on hereditarily. As I was a shy child though, bullying also made me much more anxious from a very young age.
As I was a shy child I was targeted by bullies who were louder than me and tried to taunt me for being shy and kind natured, including making up lies about me, (young kids can be vicious you know). This didn’t help my personality, it made me much more quiet and less confident in my self. I couldn’t go to school, I cried in the cloakroom to my mother as I felt so scared of someone picking on me. I moved school after this which did help, I made some new friends and became friends with lots of boys.
Friendship troubles. I have met a huge variety of people so far in my life, if anyone needs advice on this I can help somewhat.
Anyway, I soon got into a friendship of 3 in my new school which was great for some time but it was clear one of the girls didn’t like me. The other girl who we were both friends with soon moved away and the group fell apart, ( I sometimes felt left out anyway so it was probably for the best).
This left me feeling very lonely, as I didn’t get along with many girls in the school. I began feeling more anxious, I wanted to stay in a woods area of the school and only spoke to a few people. I began being better friends with some boys in my year and one girl, things did pick up.
Now was time for high school. I moved schools again as my current school wasn’t pushing me academically enough. I went to a school which was fairly hard to get into and so I felt proud of myself and less anxious.
This school was ok for a while, I was in another friendship of 3 (oh dear) but soon I was left out. I began getting picked on for my weight, ( I was not fat just not naturally thin), my shyness and my fast walking (wtf really). This was one of the darkest moments of the my life, I rarely mention it even to friends these days. It was only a dark few months though. I had very few friends at school, I felt so anxious at school and home. I constantly had bad dreams at home and I could barely go through the school halls or talk in class without feeling anxious. I really couldn’t be myself. I felt like people hated me for my personality when really the majority of them were nasty people when I’m groups who couldn’t see the positive parts of my personality. I moved after year 8 as I couldn’t deal with the school anymore, even the gates of the school soon started resembling the gates of Hades in my unconscious mind. If any of you feel alone, please message me. Anytime!! I will try and help you <3
I then moved to a girls school which is strange as I always thought I got along better with guys but there we go. I still go there now and I am going into year 13 in September. I have had some dark and amazing times there, I have made friends with some special people and some people who are not worth it. I was friends with some
people in other classes before getting into another friendship group of 3, when will I learn. It was originally 5 but then girls can be bitchy. We were friends for over a year which was wonderful, great; we had so many laughs in year 10 and it was one of the best years of my life.
However, the other two people soon fell out, leaving 2 in the friendship group with me having other friends in different groups too. I’m not friends with the other person currently as they are quite a self obsessed person who probably cared very little about me, who didn’t believe I had anxiety and who left me alone at parties. I’m not going to go too into this as I like to think onwards and upwards 😊
I only realised I actually had anxiety in year 11 as I had started watching mental health YouTube videos by people such as zoella.
If you would like a post on how I control my anxiety (sort of) then let me know.
I met a new group of girls in sixth form who are v lovely, things can improve in sixth form.
Hopefully, I will meet lots of new people at uni! I feel more confident than I have in myself for a long time but I still struggle with anxiety and depression. You do not improve overnight, always remember it can be a long road and that’s ok!!
Not being confident enough. Even at my second high school I struggled with this a lot, (mun has helped so much with this though). I never felt smart enough, pretty enough or popular enough but in hindsight none of this matters as long as you are trying your best and being yourself.
You have to adopt the attitude that if people don’t like you, it’s their loss not yours as they aren’t worth it.
Fears. I actually have lots of fears in general life which don’t help my anxiety.
Public speaking on a stage
Although, my fear of public speaking isn’t too bad if it’s debating rather than giving a speech.
Exam stress does also aggravate my anxiety. I am not someone who really fears exams but they do stress me out during the revision process or even during exam season.
Lastly, I think my anxiety is also hereditary so the experiences I have mentioned probably aggravated the problem.
Also, let me know if you would like any more anxiety or mental health blogs? Or if you would be interested in more back to school blog posts? Sending good vibes, Larissa 💘⭐️